Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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