boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
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No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
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I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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