Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.