I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.