I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
