i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
