Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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