If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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