I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
