don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
