I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
