At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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