you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
