Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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