If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
