I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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