Where did you get a picture of my penis
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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