if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize