Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm bleeding and have questions
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
