New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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