So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My bed smells like the plague
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
