I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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