You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
