just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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