I think i peed on brittanys purse
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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