just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
