She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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