We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
