worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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