Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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