Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
porn star boner night. come get it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
