just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
