I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
