She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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