I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
