but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I am midnight drunk by noon
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
