just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
