I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I don't deserve a penis
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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