oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
