How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
