so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
