My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
