You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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