i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I take back everything I said about communal showers
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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