I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
