you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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