Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
