So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
