It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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