I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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