hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
