There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
