At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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