i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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