I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Randomize
