So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
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Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
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You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Congratulations! We have a period
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