Where is the hickey?
only if we run a train.
done.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
