jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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