Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
