I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
