All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You can't special order awesome
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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