Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just found puke in my bra..
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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