just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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