it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
