3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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