Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
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Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
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We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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