whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
