physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
