You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
