Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I am naked and annoyed.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
